I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
