I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
it was like having sex with a tree stump
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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