i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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