Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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