I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
