I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
