It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I forgot wine drunk hurts
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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