So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
