He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
