When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
