You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Pants are for mortals
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
