I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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