Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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