she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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