I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
my being single is dangerous.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I party with great urgency now.
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