Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
