My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
