i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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