ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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