i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
