Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
