omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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