the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize