sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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