when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
