there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I stole a fireplace last night.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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