I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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