She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
