Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
me + whiskey = a bad person
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
