I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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