True but thats because hes a fetus.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
