I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
