In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
