omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
there's paper in my vomit.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
