Everything about him screamed your future.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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