Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
where does the pee come out of this thing
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
