I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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