i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
