I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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