you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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