Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
