i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize