Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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