just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
