I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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