"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
