I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
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