Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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