I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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