Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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