the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
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I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
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Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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