I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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