Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
