That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize