cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
