Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
