Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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