since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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