Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My room smells like vodka and shame
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize