I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
